What caused the Big Bang? God was texting and driving!!!

Start Anew!

What happens when you raise your glasses? Things get very blurry!

Enjoy your New Year's Eve celebrations!

Lesser known French carol: All I want for Christmas is my two front teat !!!

French government to pay women for removal of defective breast implants.

Why did the clock get arrested? Because it struck twelve!!!

Why did December lose? Because January 1 !!!

How does New York begin the new year? By trying to drop a round ball on to a Times Square!

New Year's Eve celebrations kick off globally.

Headline of the year: Brazil bans French breasts!!!

French made implants banned in Brazil!!!

New Year Resolution: Upgrade Mayan Calendar Regularly

21 Dec 2012 - Doomsday?

Who rakes in cash every new ear? A plastic surgeon!

Happy New Ear!

Old Wall Street saying: What happens in 2011 stays in 2011!

Laughter!

The nice got Bloomingdales the naughty got Kohls!

Work Right!

Anger Management!

'11 didn't seem like a won-won situation type of year now did it?

What does an attorney wear to work? A lawsuit !

Don Number 2: I'm s**tty and I know it!

Sinead O'Connor's lesser known hit: Nothing compares 2Me!

Sinead O'Connor ends fourth marriage after 16 days!

Managing by numb-ers!

Hope!

What do you call a show where the cast themselves rate each other, on or off the show? Castrated!

No wonder actors are not allowed to rate each other for the Oscars!

What comes after Desomber? Jan-You-Worry!

Global finances still in red!

The job market is so bad, even Ethan Hunt found himself unemployed, in the latest Mission Impossible!

Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol rakes in millions with U.S. release!

What happens to Santa after Christmas Day? Returns!

U.S. expecting $40+billion in gift returns, this holiday season!!!

Present = Gift. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas!

Who do the Russians want to put out? Put in

Thousands protest in Russia for re-elections!

Joyeux Noël et bonne année

His & Hers

Are the devil's elves called Hellpers?

'tis the season to be jolly!!!

Be Happy!

How do the rich cut taxes? Using a Swiss knife!

Tax cut bill passes in the U.S.

SillyCone: A breast implant, gone wrong!

France has decided to pay thousands of women to have their unapproved breast implants removed!

Toyota sees record sales while record companies see iota sales!

Toyota! Back in business...

Contrary to popular belief, the most popular music at Christmas is "Wrap"....

Are you done yet?

Last minute gift ideas: like "it's the thought that counts!"

Have you crossed off your list yet?

Happy Holidays

LiFi Hotspot: A planet that could support life!

NASA discovers two earth sized planets...

FAQ Siri !

What are you asking Siri?

The problem with the U.S.: Manufracturing!

...bitter...sweet!

Is it cool to be hot, or hot to be cool?

Why did the Saudi prince buy Twitter? He thought he could silence the 140 unruly characters who supposedly brought down regimes!!!

Saudi prince invests $300M in Twitter.

What happens when North Korea loses its head? South Korea probably loses its tails!!!

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il dead!

Wats on? Elementary my dear, it's Sherlock!

Sherlock Holmes and Watson top the Box Office this weekend.

'tis the season to be jolly!

Would it be insensitive if you called your affair with the shortest girl in the world a "carry on?"

Indian woman declared shortest in the world.

Christmas tradition: Yule Log or CataLog?

Blackburied: The future of Blackberry!

Imagine how well the postal services would have done if people kept reposting every item they really liked!!!

U.S. postal services on the verge of extinction!

Simplicity!

The market fell and it hurt ma knee!

What does it mean if the entire world gets a financial downgrade? Is B+ then the new A+?

Fitch downgrades 6 of the world's biggest banks.

Media and Publishing companies are celebrating AdWent.....wondering where their Ad revenues are gone!!!

Tough times ahead for media and publishing...

...hope to learn!

Thanks to Facebook, on your next flight you can choose an aisle seat or a wall seat.

KLM introduces Facebook enabled seating!

Too good to be true!

...crunch time!

KKK's favorite carol: "I'm dreaming of a white christmas..."

'tis the season to be jolly!

Occupy Wall Street protestor's favorite carol: "Baby it's cold outside...."

‎'tis the season to be jolly!

Go Green! ....Unstick!

Pamela Anderson's favorite carol: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...."

‎'tis the season to be jolly!
please send all hate mail to idontcare@funabridged.com

Inspiration

God ParTickle?.....HE laughs.....

Scientists close in on evidence of Higgs Boson existence; a particle created at the beginning of the universe!

...have you red this somewhere?

...dust to dust...

Boink!: The sound of a bird hitting a pig!!!

Angry Birds turns 2 !

BarGain: When a mobile phone moves into an area of better reception, you have a BarGain!

PortFOElio: A collection of investments...

Users are renaming their dissapointing product. It will now be called Kindle Fired!

User experience on Amazon's Kindle Fire leaves much to be desired!

Santa is finally online, so please DO NOT DELETE those cookies from your browser!

Counting down to the holidays!

The Euro must be doing very bad, the Parisians are being extremely friendly to tourists......friendly in English!

Euro taking a pounding!

Frankfurt: As cold as the Euro!

Euro being questioned!

Someone needs to throw some light on the lunar eclipse situation!

South East Asia experiences a total lunar eclipse!

Let there be.....

Total Lunar Eclipse: When the heavens stop mooning us!

Total lunar eclipse over south east Asia

Euro P/E : Will you invest in it?

...Does this P/E ratio excite you?

Euro without Britain is Like...

Europe decides to go ahead with financial improvements!

...forever

What happens in Facebook strays in Facebook!

...or fiction!

Does no one trust a bank anymore? Coca Cola moved its secret formula from a bank vault to their own museum!!!

Coca Cola Corporation moves the secret formula from a bank vault where it resided since 1925 to its museum....

Oxymoron: Compact SUV

Ford accidentaly reveals Ford EcoSport SUV!

Things are shaping up!

Technically speaking a photograph is not a photograph until it is "exposed"?

Facebook glitch exposes users' private photographs!

The following post, as requested by the government of India has been censored for public viewing: ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░

Indian government asks social media sites like Facebook, Google and Yahoo! to censor user posts!

How do you downgrade Europe? You compare it to the U.S.!

S&P warns it will downgrade 15 European countries!

Blowing hot...

Lights...Action...

Germany successfully defused the bomb!!! Unfortunately it was the one where you row not Euro!

2 World War II bombs submerged under the Rhine river were successfully disposed by German officials.
The Euro bomb still ticking...!

ॐG : Hindu version of OMG !

It's a good thing Chariman Mao was never a Leutenant, can you imagine people following a leader called L MAO ?!!!

Emotions Rock!

sAudi Stick Shift: A type of car a woman can drive to lose her virginity!

Saudi Arabia says women could lose their virginity by driving cars!

You learn what you pay for!

Does surfing give you a high?

Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray says he's not guilty of manslaughter on grounds that, for all practical purposes MJ was not a man!!!

Conrad Murray files appeal in guilty sentence.

Euro Bond: Likes the world shaken, not stirred !!!

German Chancellor rules out the possibilty of joint Euro Bonds!

...and someone shall find!

Tab Browsing: A super neat feature using which your mobile internet browser keeps tabs on you!!!

Somebody's watching you!!!
Android, iOS......keeping track of your every movement!

What do you call a phone that secretly tracks your every key stroke? A very smart phone.

Android phones apparently secretly tracking every key stroke made by users!

Believe!

Will your stocks go green if you go green?

Stocks soar, borrowing dollars is going to get cheaper!

How do you know an airline is dead? When it moves from flys everywhere to flies everywhere!!!

American airlines files for bankruptcy protection.

TipOff, RipOff !

Money, Money, Money!

Oxymoron: Privacy Audit

Facebook agrees to 20 years of privacy audits!

Why do airlines file for bankruptcy? Excess Baggage!

American Airlines files for bankruptcy!

When Facebook goes IPO will I have to pay for every "Share?"

Facebook to IPO in 2012.

IheartU

Are you?

Owners moving from home payment to home pavement!

Housing still up in the air!

Cyber Monday: I wish I could get 75% off the day itself!!!

U.S. gears up for online technology deals!

Exist?

What planet do humans come from? Blew Planet !!!

NASA launches Mars rover.

Why not?

A little Extro!

How do you prefer to shop, in line or online?

Online sales surge 20%+ on Black Friday!

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: Less Fashion, More Show!

Coming this Tuesday to a T.V. near you!

What makes you confident?

Why did the NATO attack Pakistan? Because they wouldn't attack themselves!

NATO attacks Pakistani soldiers near the Afghan border!

Where could you find the best discounts on Black Friday? Wall Street !

Stocks have worst Thanksgiving week ever!

Day After Turkey Day Movies: Gone With The Wind !

Happy Day After Thanksgiving!

What colors do retailers fear most on Black Friday? Red

U.S. retailers expect a shopping frenzy on Black Friday.

R O Why

QUIT!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Turkey Day Movies: Inglorious Basters !

Happy Thanksgiving!

....is not as big as it is made out to be!

The most common question after carving a turkey? Breast or Thighs !

Happy Thanksgiving!

The best stuff in Turkey ist an bull !!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What is the most popular music instrument at Thanksgiving? Drumsticks !!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

R U?

Which letter of the alphabet brings people of the world together?

'R', It changes fiends into fRiends!!!
Facebook determines there are only 4.74 degrees of separation!

Passion!

just because!

Half Fool !!!

How do you downgrade France? You make them speak English!

Ratings agencies may downgrade France's credit rating!

Pun-ish: The stuff I write about!

What do you call debt without a ceiling or roof? Convertible Debt !!!

Netflix to sell convertible debt to raise capital !!!

Cairo-practor: Someone who reduces Egypt's pain!

Egypt's cabinet resigns.

Deaf is it?

U.S. politicians grappling with the huge deficit.

Weight! Weight!