They serve coffee on a long haul UA flight??? The economy MUST be picking up!!!

United Airlines flight makes an emergency landing after pilot spills coffee in the cockpit, triggering off emergency codes including one for hijack....

Tourists to Rome will now be taxed, no wonder it's called the VAT I CAN...

Value Added Tax, Rome Wants moRe.......

Governor + Terminator = Governator; Governor + Terminated = Governated

Arnold Schwarzenegger governor term ends...

On new year's eve, in a little town in Arkansas, thousands of blackbirds fell mysteriously from the sky, dead. Rev Al Sharpton who immediatley flew there said the incident was racially motivated.

5000 blackbirds fall dead to the ground....Do you smell a fowl?

Just updated my resume by addiing: "Responsible for building a $50 Billion social network." Facebook.

Facebook gets valued at US $50 Billion. Our time was well spent!

What happens when gas hits $3.14 a gallon? Gas companies can officially be called Pi-rates !

Gas prices continue to rise...

How did Lady Gaga ring in the new year? She threw her dress on the barbecue and had a party!

Indulge...

How did the iPhone 4 ring in the new year? It didn't ring. It couldn't find a signal...

Desire...

How did the Pope ring in the new year? A goblet of wine began the celebation!

Faith...

How did BP ring in the new year? Throwing confetti into leaking oil wells in the hope of sealing them!

Environment...

How did the Chilean miners ring in the new year? They counted up!

Hope...

How did they ring in the new year in Iran? The men had a blast and the women got stoned!

Freedom...

How did Prince William ring in the new year? He didn't. Couldn't afford anything, let alone another ring this year!

Love...

How did WikiLeaks ring in the new year? Blowing Whistles !

Privacy...

How did Europe ring in the new year? Well, they haven't yet. New Year was delayed due to the snow storm!

Patience...

How did Toyota ring in the new year? We don't know. They said it was too early to recall anything!

Be Safe...

How did North Korea & South Korea ring in the new year? They kissed and made up under the "Missile"toe !

Peace....

How did the terrorist ring in the new year? Sham Pain !!!

Security...

New York is possibly the only city in the world that begins the year by dropping the ball. It can only go upwards from there!!!

Happy New Year!

If everything there was expected to be hunky dory they would not have named the country iWorry Coast !

Presidential election results still causing turmoil in the Ivory Coast...

√excitement = (Times)²

Location, Location, Location...

Ringtone in the New Year!

Happy New Year's Eve...

What comes before New Year's Eve? New Year's Adam !

Happy New Year's Adam!!!

New York, the city that never sweeps!

Cleanup in NY after the blizzard is slow, very slow.

The realtor said it is a seller's market, what she meant was that home prices are down in the cellar !

US home values continue to fall...

Joan Rivers' Greeting : Happy New Ear......Nose.....Face.....Tummy.....Boobs....Butt...

Happy Holidays !

84 - 24 = Sexty

Hugh Hefner (84) founder of Playboy magazine engaged to playmate Crystal Harris (24). You fill in the blanks.....literally!

Mother Nature is passing wind our way, no wonder the day stinks!

Blizzard over the Northeast US.

Why do they hate snow in Chinatown, New York? People shoveLing !

Blizzard hits the Northeast US.

Old German Saying: One Man's Gift Is Another Man's Poison !

Time to return your unwanted Christmas Gifts !!!
German Word For Poison: Gift

Why did Santa get arrested? Reindeer sleighing !

Happy Holidays !

Which of Santa's reindeers has been very naughty? That would be North Pole Dancer !

Happy Holidays...

Santa got me 3 Farmville goats...Yay!

Happy Holidays!

Believe: An exotic place where quaint looking little people make toys for kids around the world, delivered by a big old man in red...China!

Made In China

Why do they call him Santa Caus in France? Because he is Father Noel !

Happy Holidays...

Why do the French love wine? Because finding water in Paris would only be in Seine !

Snow continues to paralyze Paris...

Why isn't Santa here yet? It's probably the snow, man!

Come rain or snow...

Oxymoron: Politically Correct

Happy Holidays !??!

Mr. Gore, if you need to gather any more evidence about Climate Change, just go to SoCal now also known as SoakAl !

Southern California declares a state of emergency due to flooding and excess rainfall.

US Census results released this week show that New Jersey's population growth has slowed. New Jersey is contesting the results. They claim their citizens were all stuck at airports in Europe!

US Census results in. Some states may lose seats in the US Congress due to slow population growth...

Europe renames its airports. London-HeatLow, Amsterdam-SkiFall, Madrid-Brrrrajas, Paris-RawIcy, Frankfurt-Frankfurt Amen...

The freeze continues...

Skizophrenia: A situation wherein your left and right skis, each seems to have a mind of its own and ends up giving YOU a split personality!

Snow still creating a havoc in Europe.

Paris Charles de Gaulle airport is entertaining stranded passengers by singing English Carols in French accents: "Zee weather outside eez frightful, But zee fire eez soo delightful, And since we've no place to go, Le tits now, Le tits now, Le tits now..."

Bad weather moves inland Europe...

How did Larry King manage to hang around for 25 years? Suspenders!

Larry King Live comes to an end after 25 years !

What's the difference between the Queen and the rest of England? The rest of England has a stiff UPPER lip!

England under a big freeze...

What is the difference between taxes and sex? One you pay-as-you-go the other you pay-as-you-come!

Cash strapped city in Germany enforces a sex tax!

Did you hear? Body Browsing is addictive! You could run out of Cache!

Google releases Body Browsing...
TSA officials are officially out of a job now !

How do you avoid future spills? "Sew" BP !

US to sue BP on oil spill...

GOMEZ!

Time Magazine nominates Mark Elliot Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook as Person Of The Year 2010.Go MEZ !

How can Microsoft kill the iPad? Release Microsoft Office for iOS4.

Microsoft to relase iPad killer tablet...

Oxymoron: OpenLeaks

Former WikiLeaks members form rival site OpenLeaks.org.
Question: If it were closed would it be a leak?

Naval Drill: A tool used for liposuction !

South Korea to conduct naval drills.

How would world leaders like Assange served? Julienned !

Julian Assange founder of Wikileaks is on a lot of "take out" menus!

Simplicity is highly complicated.

At the airport, where is it most likely you'd find a diplomat? The Frequent Liar Lounge !

Indian Ambassador to the US gets a pat down at Jackson-Evers International Airport in Mississippi.

China offers peace prize in Liu of Nobel !

China established and offered the Confucius Peace Prize to counter the Nobel Peace Prize offered to Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo.

What did the art connoisseur get when he carried home a $23 Million Marble Bust? Bust Marble...!

A marble bust of Antinous companion of  Roman Emperor Hadrian auctioned for over $23 million, at Sotheby's.

Consumer Reports named AT&T the worst mobile carrier in the US. I disagree! AT&T is not a carrier, it's a dropper.

Consumer reports deems AT&T worst mobile carrier in the US.

In ancient Rome, what did the nuclear scientist say to the politician? "Urcranium is up Uranium!"

France and India sign a major nuclear deal...

Old Middle Eastern Definition - Cheer Leader : Someone who flatters the regime !

Qatar wins the bid to host the 2022 Football World Cup !

What is the difference between football and the KGB? The pitch of your scream when a ball is kicked !

Russia wins bid to host the 2018 World Cup.

Alp! Alp!

Wikileaks is a global concern,
Political secrets we all get to learn,
It's now underground,
Too hard to be found.
For if you went there you'd just have to Bern.

Chinese train for world "speed" record. Unfortunately they were too high to recieve it !

Chinese train breaks world speed record.
Where is the drug enforcement agency when you need them?

(Denial Of Service) DOS: Technology that brings a computer to its knees. MS-DOS: Microsoft's first attempt !

Denial of Service attacks attempt to shutdown WikiLeaks...

Why did the Queen vist the UAE? Dubai gifts for the upcoming wedding!

QE visits UAE...

Responding to WikiLeaks, Pakistan dismissed fears that its nuclear material could fall into the hands of terrorists....It already is !

How do you plug a leak?

Old Egyptian Saying: When your daddy dies he becomes a mummy.

Elections underway in Egypt....

North Korea says it means no harm, its missiles were just Seoul Searching !

North and South Korea at loggerheads ....again!

VickyLeaks: A site that reveals Victoria's Secrets !

WikiLeaks' expected releases could damage US global relations !

Old concrete jungle saying: At the stroke of 12, the Mall shall become the Maul...

Black and blue after black friday bargain hunting....

...he actually got injured, trying to grab the last 65" LCD TV at Walmart !

On black friday, President Obama gets 12 stitches, after hurting himself playing a basketball game at the Whitehouse...

Bargain Hunting: A ritual in the United States where people frantically run around the city trying to gain more bars on their AT&T based iPhones.

Happy Black Friday !Do you hear me now?

Spray with oil, then rub rosemary on the rack........Now I understand why most passionate chefs are men!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What would the turkey say? Gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving !

Security Tip: Something you pay a TSA official if you enjoy the experience !

Screenings and pat downs at airports in the US pick up as the Thanksgiving Holiday approaches.

Oracle Tagline: Best run businesses run "off" SAP !

SAP to pay Oracle 1.3 billion in fines!

What type of engagement ring can an irishman afford? One with a shamrock !

Ireland sees red. It's ready for a bailout.

Men shouldn't cover their heads in holey places.

The Pope says condoms may be justified in very specific situations....

Airport security goes high-tech. Avaliable at an airport near you: Touch Screams !

Security pat downs causing quite a riot !

Direland !

Ireland in a financial crisis...

Why would a bank ban mobile phones? Because they profit when you wire more not wireless!

A city in Argentina bans using cell phones in banks. 15 days in jail. You though will be allowed 1 phone call before you're imprisoned.

Why did the prince go on disney to propose to his fiancé? Because dat knee was hurting!

Prince William and Kate Middleton engaged to be married.

What insects would people love to have on their Apples? Beatles !

The Beatles coming to iTunes?

Social Networking: Browsing your social net while working!

Facebook introduces email....

iOS4MAc

Apple shares fall. Wonder what people are seeing that warrants fear ?

Mail Man.........well is there any other type of man?

United States Postal Services reports losses. Billions more...

You have been selected to volunteer !

‎2010 Christmas Tree arrives at the Rockefeller Center in New York. This year chopped down and brought in from Mohopac, NY.

What happens to a ship when it stops working? It becomes a Sale Boat !

Stranded passengers on disabled cruise ship Carnival Splendor return to shore.

Incentivize: Someone who is wise in scents !

Rumor has it, Google is giving its employees a 10% hike!

What came after The Big Bang? The FBI !

Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider, Geneva created a series of mini Big Bangs to reproduce conditions that existed minutes after the creation of the universe...

Did you read George W. Bush's new book? No, but I did see the pictures...

G W. Bush's book - Decission Points releases today...

Befriended the Queen on Facebook today and gave her a friendly poke, the secret service broke down my wall they disliked the joke !

The British Royal Family is now on Facebook...

Apple iTouché

Apple's renaming its product line. Without a signal it's not a phone. Without an alarm it's not a clock. Without Flash it's not a browser.
Apple alarm clock features do not recognize Daylight Savings Time !

The difference between Gaudy and Gaudi is an i .... for beauty !

Pope Benedict dedicates the Sagrada Familia chucrh designed by Antoni Gaudi.....some say it's very gaudy, others say it's totally Gaudi !

What did President Obama enjoy in India that he could never have in the US? A Tea Party !

Barack Obama visits India in the wake of US mid-term elections...

How does President Obama increase his visibility? He visits India during the festival of lights !!!

Do you see me now ?!!!

"Pouch! Pouch! Pouch!..." - A female kangaroo in labor !

Qantas Airbus 380 blows an engine en route to Sydney...Pouch!

D-votee: A person who votes Democrat.

US mid-term elections results out...

Google offers cash to users who uncover bugs. New Yorkers rake in millions without leaving their beds!

Google to offer cash to users who discover security loopholes and such...

Chinese Checkers: Census officials in China.

China to count its population