The apple of my eye is the i of my Apple !

Apple announces tons of cool new features, so now I can officially keep my iPad and get rid of my laptop.....

Short Selling is common at the Underwear Exchange!!!

Ponzi scheme mastermind, Bernie Madoff's underwear auctioned off for $200...
The president was debriefed...!

A count was hacked !!! Please send condolences to countess !!!

Corporate and Goverment networks being hacked....they are still picking up the pieces!!!

Windows 8, so its programs have put on some additional wait !!!

Coming soon.....or is it coming slowly....Windows 8!

Russia says E. coli, the European Union says Eco Lie !

Russia imposes ban on vegetable imports from the EU, The EU protests...

Nokia is Finnish!

Nokia announces very bleak outlook.....shares fall....

Why did Sarah Palin meet with Donald Trump? Someone told her that amongst presidential candidates he was the Hair Apparent!!!

Palin dines with Trump....

W.H.O. says cell phones may cause cancer. Cell phone companies agree!! They say "Who says cell phones may cause cancer?"

World Health Organization says cell phones may cause cancer...

In Germany cucumbers are in a pickle!

E Coli outbreak in Europe linked to contaminated cucumbers...

Germany will be nuclear power free by 2022. G. W. Bush adviced them to convert to "nucular power" instead!!!

You say nuclear, I say nucular !!!

USPS is facing a tough reality: The U.S. does not P.S. anymore!

United States Postal Service at the brink of extinction, no one's writing anymore...

What's the difference between Pampalona and Barcelona? At Pampalona they have the balls to run the bulls, at Barcelona they have the bulls to run the balls!!!

Barça: Winners of the 2011 UEFA Champions League football, defeating Manchester United...

What is the most popular dance in Israel? The Gaza Strip Tease !!!

President Obama calls for Israeli-Palestinian negotiations based on pre-1967 boundaries !

Hillary Clinton concludes trip to Pakistan, at least that's what the U.S. says. Pakistan denies she was ever there!!!

Hillary visits Pakistan...

What would happen if Sarah Palin ran for President? He would run faster !

Palin's back???

Untouchable: A cell phone with no touch screen !!!

How do you avoid a hangover? Don't stop drinking !!!

Hangover II out in theatres, I'm still hungover from Hangover I !!!

Abhishek Bachchan was overheard saying, "The world stops when my wife gets angry, she just erupts!, sometimes we call her Volcanic Ash!"

Volcanic ash from Iceland's  Grimsvotn volcano grounding flights in Europe now...

French Open, Love All

After she successfully brought down the behemoth, Lady Gaga was officially proclaimed the Amazon Woman!

99c download offer for Lady Gaga's album "Born This Way" brings Amazon servers/network to its knees. Let the music wars begin...

How do you increase traffic to your website, facebook or twitter page? You friend many, many, many cars!!!

Toyota and Salesforce.com partner to develop social networking platform for drivers and their cars...

Global investors do not understand the European financial crisis. It is all Greek to them!

U.S. stocks tumble on concern around Europe, fueled by rating drops for Greece and Italy...

Print media should have seen the writing on the wall. After eBooks comes fBooks!!!

Amazon sells more eBooks than paper.
Paper bookes are officially f*

Doomsday? What happens At World's End? You get On Stranger Tides !!!

Pirates of the Caribbean 4 in theatres now......for those who are left behind, that is...

What do you do on judgement day? You ♥ court ♥ !!! Happy Courting !!!

Some believe the world ends on May 21, 2011....Enjoy!!!

Rain dance goes best with cloud music!

Apple to offer cloud based music services...

Strauss-Kahn resigns IMF looking to get head ! (Please punctuate to taste)

 IMF Head Strauss-Kahn resigns. IMF looking for a new head.

Governor: Someone who sleeps with the governess!

Arnold Schwarzenegger former Governor of California outs a 10 year old love child from housekeeper...

Donald Trump backs out of president...............ial race!

Trump leaves of 2012 U.S. presidential race.

In this friendly place called life, her popularity ratings will spike. WTF! thought a man and his wife, let's just name our little daughter Like!!!

Israeli couple names their daughter "Like" after the Facebook button...

IMF: International Monetary Fun......duh!

Dominique Strauss-Kahn head of the International Monetary Fund charged with attempted rape after he apparently chased a housekeeping employee in New York.

"I'm all charged up today!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

Subtitle: Respectful name given to a Subway sandwich!

2011 Cannes Film Festival underway....

Yes, Oui, Cannes!

2011 Cannes Film Festival underway.
Aspiring contestants flaunt the Yes We Can attitude...

GagaVille: Proves there's nothing Gaga won't !!!

Lady Gaga and FarmVille join hooves to bring online game GagaVille...

Pakistan condemns U.S. actions. If the U.S. had not raided, OBL would not have been found and Pakistan's innocence would have been proven.

Pakistani parliment orders international investigation...

What do you mean Google's music service is new? I....ahem...my "friends" have been using Google to download music for years!!!

Google releases Google Music Beta, cloud based music service...

The person Pakistan assigned to locate bin Laden was Haider Miah. With a name like Haider he could never be a Finder !!!

 Pakistan still claims they could not have found him!

Why does princess Beatrice wear such atrocious hats? To avoid comments about her atrocious looks!!!

Princess Beatrice to auction her hat on eBay!

Old Skype saying: Call quality increases when you stand close to Windows!

Microsoft buys Skype...

Coca Cola lessons for life: Don't bottle it up if you can!

Coke celebrates 125 years.

Why were Pakistani officials not paying attention? Hey! They don't pay, they just get paid!!!

Pakistani loyalties in question...

If your life were a News Feed, Mom would be clicking "Like" after "Like" after "Like"....no matter what!

Happy Mother's Day!

Why did Mark Zuckerberg take so long to find a home? He was looking for a property with many walls but absolutely no privacy!!

Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook buys his first home....

The toilet paper was blamed, though some felt it was asphalt !!!

University sues toilet paper manufacturers. Say their product is dangerous!!!

ALT + OIDS: The shortcut you use to kiss someone over the internet...

Japanese firm invents internet "French Kissing" machine...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altoids

What is Pakistan's intelligence agency called? Actually they are not called! People prefer to do the work themselves...

Pakistan sour that they were not informed about OBL capture plans...

The Pakistani Intelligence Agency was looking for intelligence......literally....and they are quite pissed the U.S. didn't share any!

Pakistan's involvement with OBL under question...

Some say, fire has been the spark that ignited human evolution. 2 million years ago we ate grass, today we smoke it !!!

Recent study shows that early humans "the Nutcracker Man" ate grass like cows.....

Donald Trump wants to see the death certificate!

OBL dead....

Apple has confirmed, it is only tracking movements of Black iPhones. Movements of White iPhones, and they repeat, White iPhones will not be tracked!

Apple in muddle over privacy concerns around tracking iPhone locations...

If France can ban the veil, U.K. should surely consider banning hats!

The royal wedding seemed like the mad hatter's tea party!

Did you know? In royal parlance, a fart is called "Heir To The Throne!!!""

The royal wedding is done....phew!!! Lets get back to life already!!!

What does a smart girl get when she marries a king? She gets the kingdumb!

Prince William and Catherine Middleton mary...

Microsoft today released a new font: Royal Webding !

The Royals get knotty!

What do you call a gaming console that steals your credit card information? Sony PayStation!!!

Credit Card data could have been compromised in the Sony Playstation Network breach.

I'm sending my car to rehab, it has a severe drinking problem!!!

Gas prices take the term "guzzlers" to a whole new level!

Last few days to check out Prince William's Facebook Relationship Status: It's CompliKated!

In a few days it will just be Kated!

What do you call a phone that watches every move you make? An EyePhone!

iPhone tracking feature, more than what you bargained for!

Stuck bumper to bumper on a highway, a sign on the truck in front of me reads, "Try Fig Jam!"

Gas prices skyrocket, but traffic does not seem to be affected!

Royal Wedding Vows: The Prince says, "I, Will, do." Kate says, "I do, Will"

Counting down to Prince William and Kate Middleton's royal wedding.

Commemorating Earth Day ☼ This tweet is powered by the sun.....my dad's son that is!

Happy Earth Day 2011

I red somewhere that, to bring the blue planet to the pink of health, you need to go green.

Happy Earth Day 2011!

How does the Queen celebrate her birthday? She blows a royal candle!

Queen Elizabeth celebrates her 85th birthday.

Why couldn't the Queen eat her birthday cake? She had just got a new crown!

Queen Elizabeth celebrates her 85th birthday.

How did gold get high? It was the bars!

Gold reaches all time high.....$1,500 an ounce!

The Queen had waved, Prince Harry had sung, but when Camilla danced and smiled, I BARFED DUNG!

Royal Wedding Spoof goes viral.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kav0FEhtLug&feature=aso

Easter Egg!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter_egg_(media)
Can you crack it?
.
.
.
Scramble the letters of the word funabridged and you'll get I BARFED DUNG!

Easter Egg: Net Taxes.

Given the Easter Week.
Easter Eggs: Hidden Messages/Jokes....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter_egg_(media)

Can You Crack It?
.
.
.
.
SOLUTION: Read it backwards!!!

Why is Boeing placing all its bets on the new Dreamliner? It can be controlled only by sleeping air traffic controllers!!!

More air traffic contollers caught sleeping on the job in the U.S.!

Oxymoron: Paperback

Haven't they heard, paper is out, eBooks are in?!!!

I would like to recall my taxes. I don't believe they are working the way I intended them to!!!

Happy U.S. Tax Day!

How do you nail your taxes? You file them!

U.S. Tax Day!!!

Why do tax collectors make very bad detectives? They hate deduction(s)!!!

Happy Tax Day U.S.

What is the new dress code at Cisco Systems Inc.? Flip Flops!!!

Cisco pulls the plug on its Flip cameras...They Flopped!

Why can't anyone take Facebook to court? Because computers and cellphones are not allowed in there!

Mark Zuckerberg wins case agains the Winklevoss twins...

From an astronaut's perspective: If it is so cramped and small, why is it called a Space Ship?

US and Russia working on new and improved space ships.

If man were to go into space for the first time today, what would be the first words spoken? "Can you hear me now?"

Russian Yuri Gagarin became the first human to enter space today, 50 years back.

Unlike their French counterparts why are Italian women so eager and willing to put on a veil? To avoid the roving eyes of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi!!!

The French law abolishing the veil in public places kicks in today.

What is the difference between the People's Republic of China and Disney? One is Mao's creation, the other created the Maos!

Disney World coming to China!!!

What is the longest distance between two points? An argument!

The US budget debate seems to be over....for now at least!

Mumbai: How do you find a Hindi movie? You look up its Item Number!

Missing Mumbai!!!

Mumbai: Mumbaikars have a big foot fetish. They love Wadda Wadda Paos!!!

Missing Mumbai!

Mumbai: Local trains are where the locals train!

Missing Mumbai!!!

How do you measure solar energy? Kilo Warts!

General Electric to build America's biggest solar panel factory.

What do you do when a government shuts down? You boot it!

Could the US government shutdown if no agreement is reached on a spending plan for 2011?

Victoria's Secret prevents US Retail sales number from going bust. People are pulling money out of their IRAs and stuffing it into BRAs!

Victoria's Secret does 10 times better than expected.

What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to upload and share?

The world moves from paper to digital....

Submarine: A foot long fish sandwich!

Virgin Oceanic: Passenger trips to the bottom of the ocean!

Ultimate Luxury: Driving a Mercedes is like being on a never ending cruise!

Mercedes recalls thousands of SUVs whose cruise control won't disengage when brakes are pressed...

What do you call a luxury car that won't stop when you want it to? Mercy-des Benz!

Mercedes recalls thousands of SUVs whose cruise control won't disengage when brakes are pressed...

Why is the Boeing 737 called a low-rise plane? Because it shows some crack!

More cracks being discovered on Southwest Boeing 737s...

What bait do you use to phish for electronic IDs? A Mail Worm!

Biggest email security breach uncovered at online marketing firm Epsilon...

McDonalds to grill 50,000 buggers today!

Hiring 50,000 employees in 1 day.

Wind Ow Seat: A seat on Southwest Airlines' planes that has direct access to the overhead Wind and Ow...Ow...Ows!!!

Southwest Airlines grounds 70+ planes after mid-air creation of windows in the overhead fuselage!

After all the planning and rehersals, at the end of the day, Prince William and Kate Middleton's honeymoon will be, A Royal Screw Up!

The Prince claims to be a bit nervous!

...the rest of the world just ran out of balls!

India wins the 2011 ICC World Cup.

Southwest Airlines offers half off all its flights!!! The top half that is.....

Southwest Airlines flight cracks top in air and makes emergency landing.

10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 + 1 = ?

What is Google +1?

S-naked: A snake, just after it sheds its skin!

Escaped Bronx venomous cobra found....phew!

Smart Cover-Up! Magnets in iPad 2 positioned theraputically to make you feel good and get completely hooked.

Read More at: http://bit.ly/hHa703